Back to December.

The fall has fallen, the winter has risen.

I hate having to wake up every morning with horrible thoughts of how much things have changed; how things used to be.  I still remember how everything was exactly three hundred and sixty five days ago.  I sort of wish things hadn’t changed. I dislike December for so many reasons, but I like it for just as many as well.

Last year, it was a month of ups and downs. A month where I can say I was, “in love”, “heart broken”, “emotionally psycho”, and “the happiest girl alive”. Some days I’d wake up ready to go to school all smiles. Some days I’d want to take a couple sleeping pills and head back to bed. Everything was just so topsy turvy., but a big difference between how things are and how things used to be is that I don’t have that one person to affect how I’m going to feel in the morning. This year, I get to wake up with whatever feeling. Usually it’s just the average teenagers feeling, “I hate school.”, “Snow day please!”, “Ehhh ughhh zzzz”. I can’t lie and say this year is a whole heck of a lot better. I really do miss things.  I don’t know what to say. December, you make me upset. Christmas is coming and that’s one of the biggest reasons why I’m happy. And I’m starting to play Xbox Live again, which all in all everyone knows is a bad thing. Everyone knows when I start to play video games it means I’m in the ruts. I’m trying to find a getaway. This is horrible. I need a way out. And I can’t seem to find one. Taking things as they come, one step at a time. It’s all I can do.