Can't be with or without you.

You should never let anyone be an exception.
You should never let anyone bring you down.
You should never let anyone affect your decisions.

But, you are the only exception. I know the saying is quite clichéd to say, nevertheless you do in fact carry out the exact definition of the word. No one in their right mind would understand why, unless they actually sat down and pondered about it. And then again no one in their right mind would ever even take a minute to think about it. You, my dear are my everything. I say this with all the compassion in my heart. But, our relationship hasn’t always been good. I’m quite proud of myself to tell you the truth. To actually close ties with you for periods at a time and to not go crazy, that takes a lot of strength from me. I know things don’t always go as we planned. And even when I get hurt and my heart kind of shrivels up I still feel the need to be with you.  Then that moment I’ve been talking about with my friends about how if the next you hurt me I’d leave because it’s the best thing to do comes, I actually do in fact leave. Though that moment only last for a month at the longest I feel a sense of accomplishment. And that maybe, just maybe my dignity finally caught up with me. Then, I catch myself falling for you again. Falling for your little tricks, your games and your charm. That, I don’t down on myself upon. You’re just so good at that, how could anyone help themselves from falling into that mockery? I wouldn’t know. I’ve fallen every single time. As I read this to myself I get confused. Am I trying to say I love you or am I trying to say I don’t in fact need you. I’m not all that sure. I just can’t be with or without you. That the thing and will always be the thing. Will I move on with my life? Or is this how it’s supposed to be? Are we meant to be, should we be? Did God just decide that wanting to be with each other is our goal and that the game of trying to be with each other despite the consequences entertains us. And that no matter how many times we succeed and fail, we keep going on and on. Who knows, I sure don’t.


I just can’t be with or without you.