Being an inamorata all over again.

Make me feel the sense of euphoria (: it's wonderful.

I had quite a conversation with someone today. He tends to lighten up my thoughts, open my mind, and warms my heart, even though it's already blazing hot outside, hehe. But this young man had done it before and he's bound to do it again. He exceptionally wonderful. But we always have our ups and down. And I hope this time we've learned and its helping us become a stronger couple. I just hope so. I conquered my lion. And now I've received what I've wanted. God had granted me with his blessings. He gave me an angel, that will always be there for me despite his situation. I love him very much.

Lately, I've vigorously been bouncing back and forth about my decision to attend church on Wednesdays and Sundays. And I've decided that I will. It helps me become a better person. And I love it. I feel rejuvenated. I feel pure. I love this feeling, the state I'm in and the people that surround me.

<3 32532

Trying to make things work.

You've came home.
And all I want is for everything to work.
I hate regrets, but I wish we could start over.
Let's start from the beginning of last years summer.
I promise everything will be perfect, because you're perfect.

All I do is wonder. So many things are running through my mind. For the past two years, rarely there were ever times where I wasn't thinking about you. And those times were the worst. And those times I regret. We both know those times. And I messed up, I did. And from those times I've learned that you mean the most to me and that I need you to be apart of my life. It's too hard without you. And I simply am being a little selfish, but I need you. I wish you'd forgive me. I wish we could like we were. But that's a lifestyle. And you are the only person that can decide that. I just want to make things work. I just want to satisfy you. It's what makes me happy. And till then I'll miserable. I wish you'd love me. I'd be happy if you even just cared for me a little. I wish you didn't disregard me so much. I remember when I was your one and only. And when I came before so much and you only wanted to make me happy. That was beyond what I wanted. I just want you to love me, be mine, and sometimes make me feel wanted. I try so much for you. I wish I could get back half as much as I put into you. I just wish, sometimes.

Summer time.

Is finally here.
It's June twenty first, the start of summer.

The only reason why I knew this is because winter starts on the twenty first of December. And that date is also a very important date. Five days till my favorite day of the year. I know selfish as it sounds, it's my favorite. But if this day never happened then I wouldn't be able to be selfish would I? I will be sixteen on June 26. I am so thrilled. I'm feeling uneasy about my party. I kind of want to just cancel all of it, but I'm pretty sure that would be quite rude. I'm just going to go on with it. I know of course that I'll be on my best behavior. It would be very distasteful of me to be acting in an unladylike manner. Plus, God will be watching over me and I would not like to disappoint him. I've been really good lately and I am loving it ever so much. I've just missed him a lot. That's the only downfall. I will start to be happy again and then everything just starts crashing. It's not a bad thing that he's on my mind. It's a bad thing that I care for him so much when he may or may not like me at all. It's okay. See, this post was supposed to be about summer. Anyways, I'm pretty sure this summer is going to be full of practices. I doubt that I'm going on vacation. I have two cheerleading camps in the trans from June to July. And I have youth soccer camp at the end of July. I also have youth cheerleading camp in mid August. I'm excited. I'll post later. I need to think about things for a little while.

I aspire to defeat that lion.

Someday, somewhere, somehow.
God will be by my side, he shall help me.
I will not let anything get in my way.
I will defeat those lions.
No one will stop me.

Lately, I've been pondering about something, someone. Not just some miscellaneous thing. Just, a lot about him. Everyone has doubtlessly thought that I was done concerning myself with him. Well, perhaps that was my objective. Perhaps, I wanted everyone to believe I was through with my "old" relationship. Maybe, I just wanted people to get off my back. Of course I wasn't through with what I had. Certainly I wanted to carry on with everything we had, the relationship. All my friends believe that I'm doing the most unethical thing imaginable. But then again they do understand what I'm getting at. If you fall in love it takes a lot to just let go. You have to be insensitive. It takes a lot to fall in love and its going to take twice as much emotion, feeling, and power to get back up again. Just because you're falling doesn't mean you ever have to get back up. Is it okay for one person to have fallen in love for so long and the other person to have yet to do so? I'm not sure. I'm too naive to know things about this matter. But, I am sure that I am doing the right thing right now. I miss him so much. I just want to be with him and be his. It's all i want. He's all I wish for.

Moving on?

To something new.
To experience someone new.
To be a innovative inamorata.

Like I have mentioned earlier. I want to take a chance. I contemplated about taking that specific risk brought up earlier. And I've decided to scratch it. I've got something new. A new venture. And I am going to complete it. That was what I was set on yesterday.

So I must be on a roller coaster. Not only is my emotions going out of wack, but so is my mind. I've gotten myself to think that I've moved on. I am through with what I had and I am all set for what relationships the future throws at me. But is my thinking correct. I guess only I would know. And since I do not, then I'll just have to keep living to find out. It's not that I want to forget what I had, it's that I want to be able to think of something new.

I've been laying here just pondering about things. You all may think nothing of it. But every time we exchange words I begin to like him again and again. But in the end I always end up being heart broken. The nasty words that at the end are being exchange. It's truly disappointing. I just feel like he keeps trying to mess with my mind. I'm not sure if he's thinking what I'm thinking; if his intentions are the same. Whether or not he told me what his intentions are, I still am not certain to find it plausible. I known him well enough to know that he does love me. I'm just baffled. I don't know what to think. I'll just leave it be. Should I go on with the plans we had. Or start new. We'll see.

<3

Feeling a little Rebellious

Because i feel the fire moving through my vain.
The light has turned from red to green.
And I think I am going insane.


Summer '10, do you have to start like this. One person leaves me and my feelings turn melancholy. I'm just not sure of what to think. I will not move on anytime soon. If I get into this correlation, I'll feel too appalled. Yes, he does make me feel on top of the world when we're together. But there's just this one dispute. Should I just take the risk and see where everything goes from there. I'm not sure. And I don't think I'll ever be quite sure. I'm not much of a risk taker. My minds to naive at this moment. We'll see where this road heads.

Friendships, a millions words.

Friendships have been broken,
And friendships will be made.
I'm sure of it.

Lately, people have been saying I've gone haywire. But, maybe its what I want you all to ponder about. I know secretly you guys are all deliberating upon it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this for my enjoyment or for pleasure. It may seem like I am being tactless. And I'm sorry. It's just that I told myself this summer that I'm not going to let anyone get in the way. I'm going to do what I want. And if you want to you can join or you can leave me. It's not like I criticized your way of "living" or have pushed you out of the way. It's just that I wanted to do something for myself for once. It may make you feel uneasy, probably because I've never been this way. But I do hope that all of you who still care to my friend can become accustomed to it. As of right now I'm in the state of recuperating. Everyone should know that. Everyone should know that it's hard enough for me as it is and that if anyone gets in the way of this process, that I physically and mentally need then, it's not going to be good. And if you didn't know that then sorry. I'm sorry for anyone who has been unintentionally hurt during this process. Hopefully you also can recuperate.

I have made many friends lately. And I thank you all so much for being there for me. Though you guys probably didn't even notice what you were doing. You guys are helping me day by day become "me" again. The happy go lucky Megan Khay Phimmasone. I just have been thinking about the old days. The times where I had many friends. A lot of acquaintances, rather than only a couple close friends. It made me feel more secure. And I'm still indecisive. I still don't know which made me happier. And that's what this "process" is helping me to figure out. I hope everyone can just accept that, I need time right now. I want to become friends with all those people I've slowly lost throughout the years. And when I feel I've done that then, I then will feel I have consummate something.

All in all,
My head will sink, and my head will float.
Let it be.

And when I'm ready you will know.

For kicks

And giggles.

Sitting here, I've been thinking about a lot. I have the urge to make new friends. I want to hang out with people, who everyone would least expect me to be with. I want to make a big change. Today has been quite muggy. Not so much sunny. I rained today, but I would have preferred it to be nice outside so I could swim and layout. But I guess I don't have that choice. This was a short post. I'll post on here later. Later.

Commencement

This is the beginning.

Summer is starting. And the school year has come to and end. This isn't just another summer. I'll be turning another year older. Yeah, just like every other summer, but this year it will be more thrilling. I'll be 16 on the twenty sixth day of June, and I cannot be any happier. I've been in the means of organizing my party, but my time has been consumed with "start of the summer" events. Events like graduation parties and what not. But, now that all of those have been progressively been dying down I have been able to find time to plan things. It's a surprise, so I'm not going to say anything about it right now. But, it is on the exact date of my birthday. I don't really know whats going to be going down, but I do know it's going to be enjoyable. Well, I'm wishing for the best. Besides that, I'm keyed up for everything else that's going to take place this summer. Cheerleading is starting back up, and I'm playing soccer. Man oh man those two a days in the early morning are going to kill me. But, I'm up for the hard work and team bonding (: I'm ready for drivers ed with my best friend. And getting my license. I'm just flat out ready. I cannot wait for what this summer beholds. Everyone buckle your seat belts, because it's going to be a crazy summer.


-This may be one of my only blogs where I type in this manner.
Just a heads up its not like my other posts. So read the other ones if you have yet to.

Goodbye, No See you later!

Leaving for good?
No. Not at all. Never.

When people leave all you want is for them to miss you. As selfish as it sounds, it's true. It's not like you aren't going to miss them. In all actuality you'll probably miss them more. When you've shared so many memories, it's hard to let go. It's hard to know that for a while you won't be making any with that particular someone. And for some people it's hard to know you won't be making more memories at all. I just hope he figures everything out. And truly understands that I've never lied to him about my feelings concerning him. And that I've never done anything to intentionally hurt him. My feelings towards him are very profound. There's this word, love. It has many meanings. And people often over use it. Or incorrectly assume the wrong meaning. And for that being I do not use it often. But in this affair, I do. It may seem habitual, but I do love him. With all my heart, soul, and meaning. I love him. I hope he doesn't forget me. I hope he doesn't disregard everything we've ever had. I'm going to miss him. Dear God, help us all.


Just a thought,
Don't let little things be blown out of proportion.

Doors close

As many open.



As doors of the past close, more doors open. Windows are opening and everyone is letting in the fresh air. Opening the window of opportunities. The graduation ceremony on June 1st, 2010 was spectacular. Melinda Cassidy was the Valedictorian, her speech was very good. Emily Crumley was the President of her class. Her speech too was as good. I know it had to take a lot of hard work and dedication along with the strong class bonding you guys had to get through those 13 years together. And Congratulations for finally graduating. You guys did it!

Summer '10 is right around the corner. Memories will be made. People will be come friends, some will become enemies. Summer is the best time of year. So let's start this one with a boom.